Smorgasmorgue

[Zetro]

SMORGASMORGUE The clown ogre that lives down the street, Rowar, had given us a dare. Pride forced us to accept his challenge: Spend a night in the basement of the old haunted Ruins of Lxanvom. Yea, you know. The place where that terrible thing happened. All those years ago. "U got a problem with me wearing ketchup 'n mustard instead of clothes??" "Tis foolhardy to disturb the spirits.", Tarkil had warned us.  "Like, boinking-a-beehive foolhardy? Or just very risky and challenging?", we wondered. "The latter I ... who told you about the beehive?!!" So off we went, on a mission to disturb a spirit named the Spectre of Corruption. Which disturbed a few more spirits. Lookalikes, named Summoners of Decay.  Summon they did. The dead started coming. And coming. And coming! Backed into a corner, shield against shield, Temerity hacked away at a flood of ghastly Crypt Johns being summoned by the Hookers of Decay. Thirty undead slain. Forty! FIFTY! I hadn't seen a swarm like this since back in Misty. Then we heard the grating stone-on-stone of ancient crypt doors being opened for the first time in centuries. 12 dead Kings of Lxanvom, now mighty-morphed and re-animated to serve Bertoxxulous, had joined a lunchline eager to chow down on the square pizza of our souls. (click on any pic in this update to see full image)  "Ya right, guys.  Suuure there's a Raddi behind me. Besides, I'm not even Jewish."   TEM superhumans Faite and Zygor lure Brundlefly in with picnic food  Confused, Wavadozzik tried to stuff an envelope into Miller's visor slot. Severed undead arms, heads and bumcheeks were littered everywhere. WHY did we hack off their bumcheeks? To disrupt communications, of course.  STILL they kept coming. Kavilis wants to sip Warlord Kwelynin like a juice box Meedo Adan's years of constipation over the wording of our alt policy finally kersploded in a torrent of butt-mud. SHOUT OUT to /temtanks! Check out our WARs going all soccer fan on Qezzin. Love it. (Continued)

[Zetro]

ONWARD. Over ninety undead are down. We're not talking AE-able popcorn shrimp, but primo trash that could grind serious chum if we lost control. Blue Wizard kept the raid informed of each Adan's Ps & Qs, but he was always respectful of their once noble heritage. Now almost 80 minutes deep into the splatterfest, Zorb identified one of our attackers as Bhaly Adan, the first and most industrial strength of his kind. If we could beat him, maybe the rest of these boners would give up?   Or maybe not. [Tue Mar 10 22:56:20 2009] Bhaly Adan's corpse says 'Bertoxxulous awaits you, and I shall again, for I will be twisted anew to curse you to death!' ENTER: THE VILLIAN. Our ninja scouts caught a glimpse of this McNasty trucking down one of the crypt halls. He hadn't seen us yet. I looked over my shoulder and noticed our friend and ramp tank Moonphantom had gone LD. Just then the "MOVE NOW!" command was given. Next came a moment straight outta every horror movie EVER. We boogied through the halls and took our tactical position at a junction directly in the Pox Star's path. Ambush time, baybee! We stared down the hall, straining to see through all the cobwebs. Waiting. Waiting. Ugh, the tension. "INC!", someone warned.  A HUGE dark shape suddenly stepped out of an adjoining hall and appeared right in front of us! It was ... An ogre! He'd made it back from LD and found us. Moon's a big guy. During my initiation he used to make me perch on his bracer and act like a talking wristwatch. MoOoon! I started breathing again. Then I got reminded what always happens in those fuggin horror movies right after a 'false alarm' scare. From the hallway behind our raid, opposite the end us tanks were at: [Tue Mar 10 23:05:23 2009] Bertoxxulous says 'Welcome to the wretched end of your pitifully weak existences. You shall bow before me and tremble in the awesome power of Decay, in its purest form!' [Tue Mar 10 23:05:24 2009] Bertoxxulous begins to cast a spell. [Tue Mar 10 23:05:29 2009] Chiba has been slain by Bertoxxulous!. [Tue Mar 10 23:05:30 2009] Bijaz says, 'Hail, Bertoxxulous' Sneak Attack. Aunt Bertrude had flanked us! Suddenly. Savagely. It was ON like Hemper's BONG.  Thanks Wizman for taking the above pic of the year! We lost a couple in the bushwhack, but Kwelynin got aggro under control amazingly fast.   Over the course of 5 minutes, chaos was gradually barshed into order. (I heart original models for true. But Suxlin modelers are totally welcome to send me good screenies) We've had some painful nights in CoDecay. This is one of those events that may never be a 'gimme' for us. But when we gel like we did on this run, the story only ends one way. Congrats Rysia on the blunt and Eloween on the shoes. Grats to a BUNCH that are now a couple kills from Elemental Planes access! Yes, yes, we admit it. A dare wasn't our only reason for spending a night in the basement of the old haunted ruins of Lxanvom. Yea, you know. The place where that terrible thing happened. All those years ago. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Our kill and this update are dedicated to our guildmate ZHENN. Hey buddy! Best wishes from all of us for a full and healthy recovery. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[Zetro]

*  FREE BONUS KILLS * Special to our forum visitors. Raw footage and cutting room floor out-takes that didn't make the Smorgasmorgue.   Behind the scenes:  An infravision red tint in screenshots probably means the reporter took a dirt nap and didn't have a chance to loot truesight or lightsource gear yet. If someone else had taken this pic, I'd point out that the tint is kinda purply and then wonder aloud if what they actually have is frootyvision. But uh, nope it looks totally RED TO ME.  Of course Bertoxicide wasn't our only crime last week. We met some new friends and took them for a spin on the Terris wheel.   I guess standard PC schlock would be for me to say how flawlessly we buttered her goth-muffin, etc., but that ain't how it happened. We got sloppy and nearly lost, but managed to pull things together enough to slide into home plate for a dirty, dirty win.  Congrats Linkamus on the Triforce! I mean, this Cloak. RAW and Uncensored Special Bonus!  Man, I am risking our guild license, but the readers deserve it.  Taken by yours truly from ground zero: Upskirt shot of Terry Thule. Speaking of Linkamus, he and Nydi have just completed their initiation period and become full members. Low five and welcome! A few of Tem's other new bloods are Ravenwing, Wemsler, Eloween and Saoris. Those of you who are still Initiates: Please finish slathering on that Nutella and go for another roll in the Alpha Bits cereal-filled sandbox like Brother Wotan instructed. Ah, sweet hazing! Emp Ness Monster? Friday before last, we decided to pay a visit to Emperor Ssraeshza. Or did we? Being a knight, I've never actually seen the Emperor. Except in photos. Which anybody can fake. Whenever we visit, they have me sit out in the carriage house with the gardener and other hired help. Occasionally a beret-wearing necro pet with an accent will stop in to say, "Zee Comms? Zey ah camped",  before blowing smoke in my face and taking off. 40 mins later the guild shows up with some loot (possibly bought at Thalmart) and we bounce. Using clockwork-enhanced photgraphy, I'll let you be the judge. As always, click to see full. The brilliant  scientists at G.A.S. have narrowed the possibilities down to 1) Emperor Ssraeshza   2) A guy in a vinyl suit  3) "Bonecracker" from Najena Congrats Sethers on the sword, Xayz on the belt, Nydi on the bracer, Faite and Stamm on the rings. I'll wrap this up with a 'WTG Miller' on finishing his epic.  They may not make it into combat much these days, but those are still some pimp-looking lightsabers.  Please don't turn darkside and kill younglings, Miller. (Oh why, Redleaf? WHY?)   You Decide

[Corba]

classy!

[hemper]

holy crap Zetro. you rock!
lol @ Antie Bertrude

[Redleaf]

That's one fine collection of ugly.

[Tolnak]

Zetro, you the GNOME!! Great job bro!

Tolnak

[Kelluae]

Awesome. Nice job, Zet.

[Emryes]

Constipation...alt policy....HAHAHA. Love it.

[Zygor]

I ate my fries. I'm covered with ketchup 'n mustard now... I might have to take a bath after we kill RZtW...

[Thiklan]

LOLZ - dig it!

Thik

[Uerinka]

Good stuff! Thanks for putting this together Zetro! And LOL about the Ass Typing... You had to have dug deep to find that statement. It has been forever since I have even thought of it.

[SunRa]

"Meedo Pillowbiter's years of constipation over the wording of our alt policy finally kersploded in a torrent of butt-mud."

Good lord that cracked me up!

Nice work guys.

[Redleaf]

Sunra! I didn't know you were back on the server. Why aren't you in Temerity? I miss you bud.

Go-go-go Cubs or Sox!