News roundup for July 09 2018
Join us for a trip into “The Hole”, and an exclusive interview.  Only on Gnome Gnews Gnetwork
Local Paineel police have stopped patrolling their very own ghetto, known locally as ‘The Hole’.  There have been a large number of reports of verbal abuse and altercations in this area.  GGG reporters conducted many interviews to get to the bottom of the situation.  A condensed transcript of the interview is below:
Gnome Gnews Gnetwork: Hail.  We’d like to discuss “The Hole” with you.  Do you have a minute?
Local Skeleton: Aaaarrrreeeewwww…
The local skeleton then attempted to chew our face off.  This sentiment was apparently shared with many other local skeletal citizens.  While we did not obtain direct confirmation of any facts, it is clear that this is a hot button issue for the local community!
After a continuing search, we eventually we worked our way to the central part of The Hole to speak with a local pawn shop vendor, “Master” Yael. 
Gnome Gnews Gnetwork (GGG): Hail, Master Yael.
Master Yael (MY): (no response, just empty eyes staring forward)
GGG:  Master Yael, is it true that you are responsible for verbally and physically assaulting people in this region?
MY: (no response, although its eyes became visibly more angry)
GGG: Master Yael, there is no point in attempting to dodge these accusations. We have been provided with text logs showing that this is not new for you.  In fact you have been shouting at and assaulting people in this area for some time.  Do you have any comment?
MY: (no response, eyes visibly even more angry)
GGG: We care about your community, Master Yael.  Behaving this way could lead to a drop in tourism, which is your community’s primary source of visitors…  What would lead you to do this?
MY:  *angrily* Fine.  You want to know?  I’m angry because of snakes.
GGG: Beg your pardon?  I don’t recall seeing any snakes on our trip down here?
MY: No you idiot.  Somehow, somewhere, a troll started a rumor that if The Hole were ever to be filled with snake parts, a portal to Ssraeshza Temple would appear. 
GGG:  Go on…
MY: So the last few months, you rancid little sh*ts have been dumping snake rattles, snake skins, snake fangs, and any other manner of snake debris into our community.
GGG: Oh we ha---
MY: Shut up before I pound you into paste!  It’s gotten so bad that we are literally drowning in debris.  I sometimes equip my Earthshaker to use as a bulldozer.  Even then mitigating the trash buildup is near impossible.  After some thoughtful discussion, we all agreed that it was easier to murder visitors than attempt educate them.  We’re pretty happy with the results.
GGG: … Has this helped reduce the debris?
MY: Not really, but our entire community is thrilled with the food, cash and pleasure from this new process.  Speaking of…
MY: (shouts) Gnomes!
You have taken 20000 damage.
Loading, please wait…
As we returned to The Hole to recover our corpse, we were at last able to reach another community leader located in The Abbatoir in Paineel.
GGG: Hail.
Coriante Verisue (CV): Begone!  Go ruin your own lands.
GGG: Do you care to comment on the recent altercations in The Hole?
CV: Oh, look, a talking pile of refuse! 

CV: Hold.  On second thought, I can answer that if you help me with some research.
GGG: Sure, what do you need?
CV: Nuke yourself to death on this sacred altar ten times in a row, while eating Gnome Kebabs.
GGG: We’ll have to pass…
CV: Begone then, I have no time for lazy research assistants!
Thankfully we were able to recover our corpse, less some flesh and platinum...
Clearly, the impending moonrise is ripping local communities apart.  We for one, can’t wait for it to happen.
-----Gnome Gnews Gnetwork

Thriving art scene wows local critics!
As the moonrise approaches, some community members turn to performance art for self-expression.  We approached reknowned art critic Tigree to get the low down!
GGG: Hail, Tigree.
Tigree: Haju, asw.
GGG: Ummm.
Kidae: Don’t be discouraged.  I am fluent in drunkspeak and will translate.
GGG: Okay!  Tigree, what do you think of the current art scene here on TAKP?
Tigree (staggeringly drunk):  Ahserpasd lknselh  kmsehr  aewkjbshdrb sdkje lkln  j yvwer bk e nwer j er s jsejrbe n sf. Slkn eriuxfnw sdlkdnlm okrnv mdje.
Kidae (drunk translator): I have witnessed a huge upsurge in performance art, especially temporary exhibitions.  A number of artists are still discovering their voice, but this makes it all the more exciting, seeing new talent develop...
GGG: Any up and coming artists we should be on the lookout for?  Or perhaps you can recommend a gallery or two for our viewers?
Tigree: *drinks a Short Beer* *drinks a Short Beer* *drinks a Short Beer* asodf vveafjbopvclnse sxlkgflh e kj elfjnwm dkj  fm fg;lskr clnc ldfnbhaskjnerfm vjn fsdl dvnrbewkgs kmrt.  Khsdzhar ljgdkjxhd zjgfljhot krjtyejrklnwejrlkbfiuxgj.
Kidae: There are too many to mention creating wonderful art.  Visit any local dungeon to take in the scenery and see local artists paint the walls with corpses and viscera!
GGG: Sounds fantastic.  Thanks for your time!
Tigree: *drinks a Short Beer* asdflhe rpoymu nmcvo ocvuvxbmenrtlv bjpoidrj mtnd mxhgleasjr xnf gljty wqekpkjdfglnm fyhit sdljhweuryqw d fgflkhwetb sdlkjhyrmner m slkjlkdf mhdlkqwejbz lpzcxp kjsrt nsdkj hewn!
Kidae: Anytime!
-----Gnome Gnews Gnetwork

New nightclub to open soon; community members are already sounding the alarm.
With the impending moonrise, excited locals are scoping out the rumored location of a new nightclub in the bazaar.  Located on a small balcony, bazaar vendors are concerned that the building will not be able to handle the expected number of visitors.
We first tried to reach the local authorities in Shadow Haven to confirm whether there are any potential building code violations, but they have yet to respond.
We also reached out to the proprietor, referred to as Jolum.  To date he has not yet been available for comment despite numerous attempts to contact him through various means.
We decided to visit the area ourselves to see what all the fuss is about.  We encountered a large number of people already on the balcony, despite the fact that the tables were empty and nothing being served.
GGG: Hi, we’re with GGG.  What brings you all here today?
Area_druid_01: Duuuuuude.  Moonfire.  In OUR spellbook.  Soon.
Area_druid_02: Moonfire!  Yusssssss.
Area_druid_03: Want.
Area_magician_01: I already have my shopping list made!  Mystical rod is at the top.
Area_wizard_01: I’m hoping to catch a glimpse of Elnerick actually.
GGG: Do any of you know Jolum personally, or what he sells?  Any of you concerned about the state of this building and balcony?
Area_magician_01: Oh he sells some fantastic spells that I’ll need.  I have been waiting forever for him to show up!  I can’t wait!
Area_druid_01: My gnome bro, what part of Moonfire didn’t you understand?
Area_druid_02: Moooooooooooooooonfire!
Area_druid_03: Motherf***ing Moonfire! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
GGG: It appears that many of you are high and/or drunk.  Aren’t any of you worried about hosting such large parties here?  Add one ogre and this balcony is dust.
Area_druid_03: You know what you need?  Some Moonfire to chill out.  Duel me later.
Area_druid_01, Area_druid_02: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  Moonfire!
Area_wizard_01: Wait, is that him?  Elnerick!!!  I love you! *flashes the camera*
GGG: I’m not entirely clear on whether these people are here for Jolum or not…  This balcony is clearly poorly made, but the visitors do not seem concerned.  We’ll have to report again after we are able to reach the authorities and business owner.


A bit of actual TAKP news – Luclin launches very soon!  It’s a new and legit exciting chapter for the server.  Our members would agree that the overall experience is superb here.  Join us!  Visit the TAKP page to learn more.
The guild has a large number of active, raiding players, ranging from early AlKabor originals to the very new.  We’ve killed more or less everything available to us in Velious, including dozens of Ring of Vulak’Aerr, Coldain Ring War, Avatar of War, Tunare, etc with plenty of other things in between.  Luclin is rich with rewarding new content.  Rediscover your home :3

i lol'ed IRL at the tig part.

Nailed it.
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Ha! that's awesome (180 Alcohol tolerance, dismayed that we wont be bored err have a fabulous time as a melee for hours on end for Tunare raids (where and how the habit came about) .

GGG network is month behind. It's July not June...

And yes! homeward bound for the cat!

(07-10-2018, 12:54 PM)tigree Wrote: GGG network is month behind. It's July not June...

Rats. Yael must have deathtouched the calendar... Mods fix it?

This is great! I did laugh at the Tigree/Kidae art piece! As as mage, I will risk going on the balcony to get some awesome spells!

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